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radioactivemongoose:

at my 16th birthday party my friend john accidentally flashed one of his balls and i remember it in vivid color & detail like sometimes i forget the faces of loved ones but that single nut haunts me. one time i fell in a ditch and i kept sabotaging myself like “what if the last thing i think of before i die is john’s nut” like i wasn’t actually gonna die but these are the kinds of things you consider when you fall in a ditch. john’s nut

123jaclyn321:

zurashisu:

madman-in-a-blue-box-at-221b:

thediamondthatlived:

madman-in-a-blue-box-at-221b:

what do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

I don’t know. What?

a condescending con descending.

get out

That was beautiful

me: *playing an rpg*
me: I'm gonna be the villain this time
me: *starts to feel bad and makes good choices*

trelyon:

If zombies ever attack just go to Costco… they have concrete walls… years of foods and supplies… and best of all the zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership card



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